JDawg
09-26-2007, 03:38 PM
For my final post of the day...a reprint of a story that I sent to a few friends back in 1999, about 6 months after I took in my big female Lab...Polly. Nicknamed "Turbodog" by my brother by another mother, the moniker is appropriate. (Trust me on this one.)
This is a true story. One of several that I could tell on her...but it's close to number one in the top ten for the best. Enjoy.
***********************
Well, as some of y'all may know...Just before Christmas 1998, I picked up an abandoned dog on the highway. She was about 6 months old...Lab, and as near as I can tell there's a Rottweiler somewhere in the woodpile. She's a sweet-natured mutt, but still Lab through and through. Hyper...murder on shoes, leather belts, TV remotes...cordless phones..etc....so I was forced to put her in a chain-link dog lot because my insurance agent informed that the policy wouldn't pay for the damage...not even with a deductible.
Overall a good dog though, and beautiful to boot. She's so black that she looks blue...but when brains were passed out, she musta been busy and didn't get the call...Dumber than a chicken, this one.
Bein' the hyper sort, I have to let her out to run it off once a day to keep from eatin' the fence, and she generally heads for the woods adjacent to the property. Just exactly what she does there is a mystery, but she comes home lookin' like she's been usin' a weed-eater in a mudhole with a few pounds of pine needles and cockleburs tossed in...and tryin to bathe this rocket-propelled critter is somethin ya gotta see to believe...I'm talkin hyper and nearly as strong as a small horse. I'm 6'2 and 200 pounds, and she drags me around like a little young'un.
Whenever I let her out...she normally acelerates from zero to about 60 in three leaps, and runs around the house at full gallop 5 or 6 times before I can get her attention...Once she was makin' her laps...which I stand and watch from a safe distance from the circle on account of the fact that she has knocked me completely off my feet 3 times now as she rounded the corner of the house, not havin good brakes and all. She was makin' her laps, and all of a sudden went off on the tangent and ran straight into a Maple tree at full speed...like she meant to do it or somethin. She hit the tree with a "thwack"...backed up...staggered sideways and fell on her side. I'm watchin' all this, and I says to myself...Well...the dang dog has killed herself...and walked over to her. She raised her head with her eyes rollin around and this look on her face that was like...WHAT...was that??? Got back up..and ran off toward the woods... sideways...leavin' me standin' there with tears runnin down my face. On the way, she banged into the bumper on my pickup truck.
Now, smart dogs usually stay away from skunks...(we call'em polecats in
these parts) but like I said, she ain't the sharpest tack in the box...and we got a lotta polecats hereabouts...so it was just a matter of time.
I was watchin' the treetops shake as she ran her route...when there was this blood-curdlin' howl comin from her vicinity...followed by what sounded like a herd of horses comin' toward me. I see my dog...runnin' at full tilt...diggin' up a trench with her nose,and cuttin' flips as she headed to what she figured was the only person on earth who could help her. Now...as she got closer, the smell told me what had happened...and not bein' near as spry as I used to be, I couldn't get to the door before the dog got to me...but I eventually got away from her and got into the house, which didn't do a thing for the ambiance in here, if ya know what I mean...Well, the dog takes off again, and stuck her nose into a Yellow Jacket nest at the edge of my yard...and even though she ain't real smart, it didn't take her long to see that it was a bad move...and took off toward the top of the street with an entourage of thoroughly pissed-off bees hot on her trail.
Now..the Good Lord looks after little children and fools as we all know, and I'm the livin' proof of that, so I guess He had her make a 90 degree turn, which the Yellow Jackets didn't
see...bein a tad on the stupid side themselves...and she got away clean. My neighbor...mowin' his yard and tendin' to his own business...wasn't so lucky, and at last glance, he was headed for the house, flailin' his arms like he was tryin to fly...and strippin' clothes off like a Chippendale dancer on fast-forward...and some of the things he was yellin' can't be repeated in mixed company.
Now, by this time I realize that the dog just ain't gonna go away and deal with
this thing on her own, so I lured her into the lot and headed for the grocery store for a few gallons of tomato juice to bathe her in. I noticed immediately that people are real nice in a grocery store here in beautiful downtown King, NC...I never had so many offers of...."NO!..Really! Go on ahead of me. I insist!" I guess I had gotten used to the smell by that time.
By the time I got home with the remedy...Polly had dug a hole in the lot
and had her nose buried up to her eyes with this look on her face that
said..."WHERE THE HELLO HAVE YOU BEEN, BUDDY? I'M DYIN' HERE!" As I contemplated trying to bathe this 4-legged Cat-5 hurricane in tomato juice, caution got the upper hand...discretion bein' the better part of valor and all...so I stood on a ladder and tried to pour it on her from above. It was like tryin' to thread a needle in a windstorm...and I had to go back to the store for more juice...which didn't exactly thrill the manager, but I finally got through the check-out and headed home. This time I used the juice on me before I went back to do battle with Polly the Rocket...with her nose back in the hole clear past her ears. I tried to pour it again...but she wasn't havin' any of that foolishness, and I knew I was gonna hafta get in there with her...By the time I got her soused good enough to do any good, I looked like I had lost a fight with a Tasmanian Devil.
God, I miss winter.....
__________________
Speak to me kindly, beloved master. Revel in my unconditional love, and give me every minute that you can spare, for my time with you is short
This is a true story. One of several that I could tell on her...but it's close to number one in the top ten for the best. Enjoy.
***********************
Well, as some of y'all may know...Just before Christmas 1998, I picked up an abandoned dog on the highway. She was about 6 months old...Lab, and as near as I can tell there's a Rottweiler somewhere in the woodpile. She's a sweet-natured mutt, but still Lab through and through. Hyper...murder on shoes, leather belts, TV remotes...cordless phones..etc....so I was forced to put her in a chain-link dog lot because my insurance agent informed that the policy wouldn't pay for the damage...not even with a deductible.
Overall a good dog though, and beautiful to boot. She's so black that she looks blue...but when brains were passed out, she musta been busy and didn't get the call...Dumber than a chicken, this one.
Bein' the hyper sort, I have to let her out to run it off once a day to keep from eatin' the fence, and she generally heads for the woods adjacent to the property. Just exactly what she does there is a mystery, but she comes home lookin' like she's been usin' a weed-eater in a mudhole with a few pounds of pine needles and cockleburs tossed in...and tryin to bathe this rocket-propelled critter is somethin ya gotta see to believe...I'm talkin hyper and nearly as strong as a small horse. I'm 6'2 and 200 pounds, and she drags me around like a little young'un.
Whenever I let her out...she normally acelerates from zero to about 60 in three leaps, and runs around the house at full gallop 5 or 6 times before I can get her attention...Once she was makin' her laps...which I stand and watch from a safe distance from the circle on account of the fact that she has knocked me completely off my feet 3 times now as she rounded the corner of the house, not havin good brakes and all. She was makin' her laps, and all of a sudden went off on the tangent and ran straight into a Maple tree at full speed...like she meant to do it or somethin. She hit the tree with a "thwack"...backed up...staggered sideways and fell on her side. I'm watchin' all this, and I says to myself...Well...the dang dog has killed herself...and walked over to her. She raised her head with her eyes rollin around and this look on her face that was like...WHAT...was that??? Got back up..and ran off toward the woods... sideways...leavin' me standin' there with tears runnin down my face. On the way, she banged into the bumper on my pickup truck.
Now, smart dogs usually stay away from skunks...(we call'em polecats in
these parts) but like I said, she ain't the sharpest tack in the box...and we got a lotta polecats hereabouts...so it was just a matter of time.
I was watchin' the treetops shake as she ran her route...when there was this blood-curdlin' howl comin from her vicinity...followed by what sounded like a herd of horses comin' toward me. I see my dog...runnin' at full tilt...diggin' up a trench with her nose,and cuttin' flips as she headed to what she figured was the only person on earth who could help her. Now...as she got closer, the smell told me what had happened...and not bein' near as spry as I used to be, I couldn't get to the door before the dog got to me...but I eventually got away from her and got into the house, which didn't do a thing for the ambiance in here, if ya know what I mean...Well, the dog takes off again, and stuck her nose into a Yellow Jacket nest at the edge of my yard...and even though she ain't real smart, it didn't take her long to see that it was a bad move...and took off toward the top of the street with an entourage of thoroughly pissed-off bees hot on her trail.
Now..the Good Lord looks after little children and fools as we all know, and I'm the livin' proof of that, so I guess He had her make a 90 degree turn, which the Yellow Jackets didn't
see...bein a tad on the stupid side themselves...and she got away clean. My neighbor...mowin' his yard and tendin' to his own business...wasn't so lucky, and at last glance, he was headed for the house, flailin' his arms like he was tryin to fly...and strippin' clothes off like a Chippendale dancer on fast-forward...and some of the things he was yellin' can't be repeated in mixed company.
Now, by this time I realize that the dog just ain't gonna go away and deal with
this thing on her own, so I lured her into the lot and headed for the grocery store for a few gallons of tomato juice to bathe her in. I noticed immediately that people are real nice in a grocery store here in beautiful downtown King, NC...I never had so many offers of...."NO!..Really! Go on ahead of me. I insist!" I guess I had gotten used to the smell by that time.
By the time I got home with the remedy...Polly had dug a hole in the lot
and had her nose buried up to her eyes with this look on her face that
said..."WHERE THE HELLO HAVE YOU BEEN, BUDDY? I'M DYIN' HERE!" As I contemplated trying to bathe this 4-legged Cat-5 hurricane in tomato juice, caution got the upper hand...discretion bein' the better part of valor and all...so I stood on a ladder and tried to pour it on her from above. It was like tryin' to thread a needle in a windstorm...and I had to go back to the store for more juice...which didn't exactly thrill the manager, but I finally got through the check-out and headed home. This time I used the juice on me before I went back to do battle with Polly the Rocket...with her nose back in the hole clear past her ears. I tried to pour it again...but she wasn't havin' any of that foolishness, and I knew I was gonna hafta get in there with her...By the time I got her soused good enough to do any good, I looked like I had lost a fight with a Tasmanian Devil.
God, I miss winter.....
__________________
Speak to me kindly, beloved master. Revel in my unconditional love, and give me every minute that you can spare, for my time with you is short